2 am
I’m tired. And yet I’m wide awake. I just got home from the hospital, attending a loss….have I mentioned that I started doing that a few months ago? Share is a pregnancy and infant loss support group that goes into hospitals to help parents who are grieving the loss of a baby. They came in when we lost Zoey and provided some of the most precious tangible memories we have of her. When they expressed a need several months ago for more volunteers to make hospital visits, I decided it was time for me to give back. It has been a tremendously healing experience.
When I started, I knew that the day would come when I attended a loss that would remind me of Zoey. It was tonight. Most of the time, the babies we work with (we take hand and foot molds, as well as dress the baby…a wonderful organization called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep provides photograhers) are very tiny…often around 18-20 weeks gestation, and other babies that I’ve worked with at similar gestations to our loss have been boys. Tonight we were called in for the loss of a beautiful baby girl, who was a couple of weeks further along, but nearly the same size as Zoey. Her precious little hands and feet were the same size….her hair was the same dark shade….and her little mouth looked just like Zoey’s did. Especially after we got her dressed, the resemblence was quite uncanny. And you know what? It was a very peaceful thing for me to experience. I realized with a greater depth the amount of tender care that was given to my baby girl by a compassionate volunteer. As I dressed this baby tonight, I thought of Zoey, and the hands that dressed her….and I was grateful.
One of the hardest things about getting called out in the middle of the night is coming home. The house is dark and quiet. There are no distractions to take my mind off the sadness another family is experiencing. When I curl up in bed, the smell of hospital soap is strong on my hands, and it brings such a flood of memories. Usually, I try hard to think of other things, hoping I’ll fall asleep quickly. Tonight, I’ll take it all in. And hopefully my dreams will be filled with the happy memories of the day our lives changed forever.
Filed under: Healing
Wow. What an incredible and wonderful thing you are a part of. That truly must help heal the aching heart. I’m so proud of you for your ability to help with that, even though it must be so difficult.
That is an amazing service you give. I applaud you.
That’s so great the you volunteer. Our little boy Jackson was in the NICU up in provo for 10 days and that was really hard. I’m really sorry that you lost a baby. I can’t imagine what that would be like. I know that those families are really greatful though for all that you do for them.
Thank you for sharing Jen. That was very beautifully put.
What a sweet experience. I am grateful that service blesses those served and those serving. That was a neat post. It was really good for me to hear this morning.
What a great thing you are doing for those families.
I’ve been thinking about you. And love the way you talked about this. Thank-you for being there for this family.
I’m so proud of you for doing this Jenn. I still remember the nurses who were there for me that night and I know those families are grateful to you for serving them. I volunteered for Parent to Parent at the U for a while when we lived closer, but now that we are so close to IMC I am thinking I need to start again.
hugs to you my sweet friend. i’m glad that you are at a point where you can give back. i know it has helped me heal in many ways, though i’m not working with families at the immediate point of their loss.